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Careful ....Don't step in that

80s Forum: Careful ....Don't step in that
Results 1 to 14 of 14
  1. #1
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    Cool Careful ....Don't step in that

    Mall Metal (or "Nu-Metal" if you're lame)
    I hate Mall Metal. What is mall metal, you ask? I figure I could best explain this the way that Wal-Mart Shopper icon Jeff Foxworthy explains to laymen the essence of Redneck. So, with no further ado, here goes:

    You might be a Mall Metal fan if:
    -Your hair is dyed a color that doesn't appear naturally in humans.
    -"Suck" and "Rule" are the best descriptions you can come up with for music.
    -You think ICP is funny.
    -You think Korn is a metal band.
    -When you write or type words, you do it LiKe tHiS because you think it looks
    ReAlLy KeWeL.
    -You think "Eighties Metal" refers to Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, and Poison.
    -You call yourself a metal fan, but when someone mentions Tom G Warrior you
    just get a confused look on your face.
    -You're white, yet you wear really baggy clothes and try to come off as being
    hardcore.
    -You make fun of 80s glam rock, but have no problems with the hair or dress of Wayne Static and Coal Chamber.
    -You look ugly on purpose.
    -You call people ****.
    -You think that Slipknot is the heaviest band out there.
    -You assume that if someone doesn't like Deftones, they must listen to "pussy
    stuff like Hanson".
    -You claim to like heavy metal, yet can't name any German thrash bands.
    -You claim to like heavy metal, yet think that My Dying Bride must be one of
    those old low-budget flicks from the 60s.
    -You own a Dr Suess hat.
    -You're really into "hardcore" but CBGB's doesn't ring a bell.
    -You bash Mushroomhead for "stealing" Slipknot's look (or vice versa) even though BOTH bands clearly stole their look from Mr. Bungle...or Devo.
    -You think "goth" means Marilyn Manson.
    -You associate "industrial" with NIN and Prodigy instead of Skinny Puppy and
    Foetus.
    -You have a tribal tatto.
    -You'd just die if Jonathan Davis touched you!
    -You think black metal bands are trying to copy KISS with their image.
    -You say things like "Korn rules and always will! If you don't like them, you
    suck!" (with more grammatical and spelling errors, of course)
    -You're under 20 years old and claim to like "extreme music".
    -You think the cops probably want to steal your pot.
    -Your music collection consists of less than 100 CDs/cassettes/whatever, yet
    most or all of these names appear: Korn, Deftones, Limp Bizkit, Fear
    Factory, Machine Head, Coal Chamber, System Of A Down, Downset, Soulfly,
    Pantera, Sevendust, and Static-X.
    -You like some rap music.
    -You can say "rap sucks" but openly profess love for Limp Bizkit and POD, and with a straight face, no less.
    -You love Incubus and don't know that there was once a Florida speed metal
    band by the same name that was much cooler.
    -You still live with your parents.
    -You're a 17 year old female and wear crop tops under your open ski jacket in
    January to show off your navel piercing. Flabby abdominal muscles do not
    seem to deter you.
    -You know who Fred Durst is.
    -You think Korn "revitalized heavy metal", even though the band themselves
    want to be disassociated with the genre.
    -You have covered the back of your car in stickers, including at least one
    anarchy symbol, one alien, and one of the bands listed on this page.
    -You think death metal is Satanic.
    -You consider Limp Bizkit "sellouts" (as if they were ever underground!).
    -You think that by dressing and looking and talking like every other Mall
    Metal simpleton that you're showing your individuality and expressing your
    uniqueness.
    -You think Fear Factory keeps getting better on every album.
    -You think the last Slayer disc is their best ever!
    -You think that Metallica sucks, but don't feel betrayed by them.
    -You think that Metallica is good for a bunch of old geezers - Reload rocks!!
    -You consider the black album "old Metallica".
    -You think that Roadrunner is an underground label.
    -Best Buy meets all of your music needs.
    -You think you're on the cutting edge of music after seeing such "obscure"
    bands as SOAD, Snot, Ultraspank, and Kilgore at Ozzfest 98.
    -You learned your ebonics from Hatebreed and Vision Of Disorder.
    -You never experienced the torture of "Headbangers Ball" - sitting through 2
    hours and 50 minutes of White Lion, Extreme, Enuff Z Nuff and Aerosmith to
    see a Kreator video.
    -You think Kid Rock is the first person to combine rap with "heavy" guitars.
    -You say you hate the government yet can't name more than 5 people who
    actually work in the government. And one of those people is your aunt Irene
    that works at the DMV.
    -You don't find this amusing in the slightest.
    -When someone says "hardcore" you think of Drain STH instead of Agnostic
    Front.
    -You think your backpack goes nicely with your backwards baseball cap.


    ------------------
    C-YA

    <IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Birdland/4870/pent_12_.gif" border=0>

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    Cool

    Hehe. Wow! My favorite out of all of those was about thinking the Black Album from Metallica is OLD Metallica. hah! This really is true in most cases...

    ------------------
    Sal Collaziano

  3. #3
    Join Date
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    Location
    Australia
    Age
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    Post

    I know a lot of customers who fit that description! so many infact it's quite scary!

    ------------------

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    Cool

    I found that surfing around and I just couldn't resist posting it.....I hope nobody gets offended from it.

    ------------------
    C-YA

    <IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Birdland/4870/pent_12_.gif" border=0>

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
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    Post

    I thought those were your opinions till I got to the end, LMAO.

    Ya know on my 17 Birthday I did get my pot stolen from me by the cops

    ------------------
    <IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/blaziegrl/chromerycheclr.gif" border=0>

    ~~~ 80's ROCK STARS ~~~

  6. #6
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    Post

    hehehe Well, that must've been a scary experience! Maybe we should have a "scariest experiences' section. ahh. hehe

    ------------------
    Sal Collaziano

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
    Location
    Ohio
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    Post

    Hey Sal, thats a great idea, I'll be there all day

    ------------------
    <IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/blaziegrl/chromerycheclr.gif" border=0>

    ~~~ 80's ROCK STARS ~~~

  8. #8
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    Post

    bah. Well, if somebody starts a message we'll see. If it gets really busy, maybe we'll make a seperate section out of it.. Let's see what happens.

    ------------------
    Sal Collaziano

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2000
    Location
    Plano, Texas
    Age
    50
    Posts
    244

    Post

    Bwahahahahaha! That is great, NotMan! Sad part is, I DID fit some of them! Scary, huh? 31 years old, and I DO know who Fred Durst is, although I think he is HIGHLY overrated!

    I cannot name any German thrash bands!
    I have a tribal tatoo. Of course I got this tatoo in 1988, BEFORE it was all the rage!
    I would HURL of Jonathan Davis touched me! Lord knows where he has been....although, I do like Korn!
    I DO like some rap!
    METALLICA RULES!!!!!
    KID ROCK SUCKS!!!!!

    Hmmmmmmmmm
    ~Rain

    ------------------
    AKA Rain Taylor

  10. #10
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    Post

    Cool. Let's see. I like some rap too. Actually there is alot of hip hop that I like. Very often it's great music.. Korn - I don't know much about them.. Kid Rock? Ahh. Not my thing.. Metallica? Well, I liked them when they were heavy - that's why I liked them.. Now, they're not my thing either...

    ------------------
    Sal Collaziano

  11. #11
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    Cool

    OK Sal that's enough of the "M" word anymore and I will have to wash your mouth out with soap.

    ------------------
    C-YA

    <IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Birdland/4870/pent_12_.gif" border=0>

  12. #12
    Join Date
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    Red face

    Uhoh! I hope you didn't look at the other M post I made yesterday! (or the other day...)

    ------------------
    Sal Collaziano

  13. #13
    Join Date
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    Talking

    I saw it that's why I was joking around with you.

    ------------------
    C-YA

    <IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Birdland/4870/pent_12_.gif" border=0>

  14. #14
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    Post

    Oh! Phew! I'm safe then...

    ------------------
    Sal Collaziano

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