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When did you know it was over?

80s Forum: When did you know it was over?
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  1. #1
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    When did you know it was over?

    I'm not really asking for advice, I'd just like to hear other people's stories on this subject.

    When did you know it was over between you & your significant other? Was a particular event that ended your relationship or was it a series of events that led up to the break-up/divorce? And how long did it take you to actually break it off or leave this person?

  2. #2
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    Ummm, my practice husband, I knew was over when I damn near broke his arm because of an argument we were having. He was being a shithead about stuff, and he hit me, and well, you dont hit me without getting hit back. Things had been getting shitty for a while. He thought it was more important to take care of what HE wanted rather than what WE needed, etc etc.

    My parents came to the house and packed me up on the 28th of August, 1997. It was 2 years later that the divorce was final.

  3. #3
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    Well I knew, when my (first) husband who worked out of state, didn't call that night after work, didn't hear from him at all the next day, then I drove up to where he worked the next day and he wasn't there, and his boss was cryptic enough to say that I needed to know something, but he'd get my husband to call me tomorrow. Ummmm...ok.

    So he comes into the house, and the first thing he says is "We're getting a divorce." Then he packs up as much stuff that would fit in his girlfriend's car and leaves. We got divorced 3 months later.

    But in retrospect, it hadn't been good together for 5 months prior to that, neither of us were happy, and we just didn't want to work it out anymore. It probably should have ended sooner then it did.

  4. #4
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    Okay, your gonna think this is a lie, but I'm gonna tell ya' anyway:


    My last girlfriend was a 23 year old stripper who left me becuase her grandma died. At the funeral she talked to her dad who offered to pay for her college tuition. So she split.

    The last few weeks before she left me, she was spending a lot of time out of town, and I was sympathetic. Then she told me this story over the phone and I was skeptical. Then I found her grandmothers obituary on the internet ....

    Then I was sad...

    But then I found www.80sxchange.com And I haven't had a date since...wait a sec...
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  5. #5
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    I find a relationship is over when the little things they do or say make you grit your teeth in disgust, when you actually wish they weren't around and even if your being civil, when spending time with them is actually unbearable
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    I stayed far too long with my ex, and I thought I was doing the right thing for the kids. What finally made me leave was finding a letter he had wrote to me (but hadn't given to me ) telling me of "extra curricular activities", i had suspected when he was on the road (he was a guitar player) that he wasnt faithful (some girls shirt ended up in his suitcase, he had some lame story for it) but the worst was the fact that he had picked up a hooker when we first had moved there( that was 5 years later) I was physically ill. I confronted him he turned it all onto me, got angry and slammed me up against the wall. I was gone within a few weeks.......my only regret is that I didnt leave sooner.
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  7. #7
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    I knew it was over cause.....


    HE didn't want to make an effort to change or better himself. We fought WAY too much. ( Cops showed up a couple of times to break it up. Thats how bad it got. ) His family was a bunch of jackasses. I could only take so much. He was drinking WAY too much and his brothers always influenced him to do bad things. I don't know how many times I got into it with his family members over one event or another.

    He always did something stupid like get speeding tickets in MY car, or have MY car towed away which costed me more money to get out. He broke a lot of MY Disney collectibles and stuff when he was drunk and angry. He had the nerve to bitch about me smoking cigarettes yet always had a bag of weed stashed somewhere and claimed it was medicine

    He did some real stupid shit. The last thing he did, was lose his left index finger over a job I told him NOT to do. After that I packed my stuff and left.


    I thought I was in love with him but that quickly wan away on year 2. I don't know why I stayed 5 years with him. I guess cause we had a child together I thought it was the right thing to do.

    The thing I'm real glad is........... I didn't marry him.

  8. #8
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    I wanted out 2 weeks after we were married (long, complicated and private story that I won't bore anyone with). Slowly but surely everything began unraveling after that. I stuck it out for 3 years before I finally couldn't take it anymore and told him not to make any long-term plans that involved me. By that point, I didn't have any feelings left for him, myself, or anyone else for that matter.

  9. #9
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    I was going out with an ex for about 18 months and (this will make me sound shallow) i just couldn't get on with her child. I did try, i really did but i just wasn't her father. It all culminated on a Christmas day when her mum bought her a hamster and i looked after it for a couple of weeks before Christmas. Then at Christmas dinner we announced 'what would you really want for Christmas?', the answer expected was 'a hamster', the answer recieved was 'my mum and dad back together', i gave up after that. Screwed around a bit, became a dick, split up. But that was then and this is now.

  10. #10
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    Quote Originally Posted by Caligula
    I find a relationship is over when the little things they do or say make you grit your teeth in disgust, when you actually wish they weren't around and even if your being civil, when spending time with them is actually unbearable
    Exactly!

    I knew it was over when his drinking got out of hand. it got to the point where I didn't want to go anyhwere with him that involved alcohol because he would embaress me with the stupid things he would do.(passing out, starting fights,DRIVING!) His friends encouraged him to drink and would call me a bitch because I complained about it. They didn't have to deal with it. An alcoholic at 27. Not a good thing. *sigh*
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  11. #11
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    It should be over when he hits you, lies to you, doesn't respect you, sleeps with your friends and when he annoys you when he breathes.

    NO excuses you should just walk away and cut your loses.


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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    *edited to save feelings, sorry if I was insulting*

    I knew it was over a LONG time before we decided to end it. It was over for me when lies about money piled up, and she cost me everything I had and all I loved in life. But, such is life, if I hadnt stuck around, I wouldnt have moved to the St Louis area, wouldnt have met my current girlfriend and wouldnt be as happy as I am now.
    Last edited by Jasper; 9-06-04 at 07:35 PM.

  13. #13
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    IMHO: A relationship will only survive when both partners are willing to work for it. I think that is the biggest misconseption between lovers... in most cases, it does not just 'come easy'. There has to be mutual respect for one another. Each partner must value, love, respect, hold dear, etc... the OTHER person more than themself. Communication should be the most dear thing a couple shares.

    My boys biological is an alcoholic. When we first got together, I was a lead singer in a rock'n'roll band. After lots of fun party'n and stuff and a couple years of marriage, we bought property with 3 rentals on it, had children and I settled down. My priorities changed. He did not want to stop the party'n and such, he complained that I had changed, blah, blah, blah. I went to AA meetings without him to try and deal with his alcoholism. I wanted what was best for my babies so I was sticking it out thinking and hoping it would get better. He got abusive because I would not change back into the fun, party person I once was. He drank ever single day to drunkedness. Sad thing is, I truly did love him. One day he came in the house after being down in the shop and stumbled through the door and tried to bend down to kiss our eldest (who at the time was 2) and fell, stumbling over the babies. I decided I did not want my children growing up having the memory of the only affection from their father associated with the smell, look, etc... of drunkedness. This is way too long. Sorry. Anyway, I said I was leaving, he got the gun, it got violent, he stormed out, I left in the middle of the night and took my babies to a woman's shelter for safety. Love could not hold the marriage together, no matter how much I wanted it to.

    My daughters biological went to work on my birthday and never came home. He had been doing some things and saying some things about my family and I caught him in many lies, so, instead of coming home and facing the fact that I knew, he just left the state. Looking back, I am so thankful he did, but at the time I could not believe it. Obviously there was no real love there to begin with, or we would of worked at solving the problems instead of just running away from them.

    Edit: Also, I have Multiple Sclerosis (MS). During this marriage, I was having many problems with my health and we did not know what was wrong with me. After 3 years of problems I was diagnosed with MS. I think he just searched for a reason to end the marriage. I do not think he wanted to deal with a wife with MS.

    Ok, to be fair... I am one of the hardest people to get along with that I know. I am opinionated and anal.

    Anyway... I was DONE with men... I knew I could raise my 3 babies without a man and I could do without sex if I had to and so on... but my younger sis talked me into putting an AD in the newspaper!! Can you believe that?? I said "I don't think so! Do you know what kind of freaks put ads in the paper??" But I did not *do* the bar scene (was married to a drunk, didn't need another one) and in all my years I have never met MR. WONDERFUL at the grocery store!! Anyway, I did it and that is how I met my husband. We phone dated for 2 months before we met. Every night spending hours on the phone. We really got to know eachother. He knew I had MS and that there was a chance that I could get real bad. I asked him, "What will you do if I end up in a wheelchair?" and he said, "Push You." I have been married to my husband for 8 years. Even with all my many, many flaws, he thinks I am the most awesome person in the world, he says that I am perfect for him and I feel the exact same way for him.

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    Last edited by TeachX3; 9-02-04 at 03:46 PM.

  14. #14
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    Wow...these are some amazing stories. Thank you so much for sharing them.

  15. #15
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jasper
    TOLD him not to do? Were you his partner or his parent?
    He gets hurt working, and you leave him? Hard to believe he would have been drinking a lot.


    That's a bit of a cheap shot there--someone else's alcoholism isn't her fault.

    I knew it was over soon after we were married and he started saying that he was sorry that he got married. Then the abusive behavior started, and I got sick of being his punching bag.

    As far as getting hurt working--no, I don't tell my husband not to do stuff, for sure, but if he knows that there is a HUGE potential for getting hurt and he does something anyway, and gets hurt, it doesn't just affect HIM, I have to live through his rehab, his being out of work and my having to pick up extra jobs, etc. I know it's a partnership, and I have sacrificed like this before to help out. I did it out of love and I would do it again. He has been sick and hurt for reasons he clearly could not control.

    My ex, however, among the other dumbass stuff he did, was always getting into accidents, and I would have to take money from the groceries and other bills, work extra shifts and jobs, pay the increased insurance, etc. When people are in a partnership, one partner suffers for the idiocy of another.

    I see your point, SI, I really do, because I have been there. That's why I told this husband that if he is out doing something stupid that he KNOWS is really stupid, I ain't backing him up.

    But not all guys like strong, smart women I guess Sounds like you did the right thing dumping his sorry butt.
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  16. #16
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    He stopped kissing me and started making himself unavailable.

    Another guy got engaged to somebody else while we were dating, so I took that as a sign it was over between us.
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    Quote Originally Posted by PunkyPower
    Another guy got engaged to somebody else while we were dating, so I took that as a sign it was over between us.
    OH NO! What a jerk!

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  18. #18
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    Quote Originally Posted by TeachX3
    OH NO! What a jerk!
    Yeah, well his loss!
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  19. #19
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jasper
    Why did you feel the need to change him? He was good enough for you to begin with, why try to have him change afterwards? I never understood why women get like that!



    TOLD him not to do? Were you his partner or his parent?
    He gets hurt working, and you leave him? Hard to believe he would have been drinking a lot.



    ANYHOW, I knew it was over a LONG time before we decided to end it. It was over for me when lies about money piled up, and she cost me everything I had and all I loved in life. But, such is life, if I hadnt stuck around, I wouldnt have moved to the St Louis area, wouldnt have met my current girlfriend and wouldnt be as happy as I am now.

    Jasper,

    This guy is the father of my child by unplanned pregnancy. ( Yeah got pregnant when we were first going out.) He still hasn't made any effort to better himself nor for his daughter. I have soul custody of her.

    I did not make him alcoholic. He was one already (I just didn't know it at the time we were together)

    No I'm not his parent but when you are in a relationship both parties need to bend some. I bent all the way He didn't.

    I was already leaving him the injury happened after my decision was final.

    I went thru HELL in thi srelationship. Why would I want to stay with him the rest of my life????

  20. #20
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    Re: When did you know it was over?

    I finally knew it was over when she pepper sprayed me, and then had the courts put me a restraining order on me
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