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Driving me NUTS!

80s Forum: Driving me NUTS!
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  1. #1
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    Driving me NUTS!

    Ya'll, has anyone else here dealt with this?

    I was brought up to hate certain groups of people, but over time, I have learned better.

    Unfortunately, the people I married into haven't. I can't paint the whole family with that paintbrush, but certain ones like to forward these really racist, ignorant, half informed bullshit jokes, petitions and other things in my e-mail.

    I have e-mailed back and replied to them with statements like "I can't believe people think like this anymore. Who sent this to you? This is really sad", or I have e-mailed back everyone on the forwarding list and derided the joke to embarass them, or whatever.

    All I ever get from them is "Are you having a bad day or what?" or "I didn't even read it, I just sent it along", etc.

    I am really sick of it. I am not an uptight kind of person, I realize that stereotypes are funny because they are so stupid. I just don't like the hateful stuff that arrives in my mailbox all the time. This isn't the kind of thing that makes fun of stupid attitudes toward others, this is the kind of stuff that spreads hateful, thoughtless statements.

    I try very hard to bite my tongue and handle it carefully, but at the same time I know they are passing this crap on to the younger generation and I try to squelch that in my house or anytime I am with them. I never say "Aunt _____ is wrong" or "Grammie doesn't know what she is talking about", I instead will say "I know a person like that, she's very nice. We have fun talking about her country. Did you know they make (such and such) thing there, and that's where (whatever) comes from?"...

    It bothers me so much because I have met a lot of people from those groups, and because it reminds me a lot of a terrible childhood I am trying to deal with. A big part of what was so miserable about growing up for me was the hate that led to a lot of the violence in my house.

    I can't get through to these people, no matter how I try, and I have had every discussion in the book, so I guess I have to ask, what can I do to just deal with it better?
    ~~X~~~~X~~
    Nunc scio quid sit amor
    ****************************************

    ~~Resident Urban Cougar-Boo~~
    Joe Elliot, Charlie Hunnam, Wentworth Miller, Kip Winger,Travis Fimmel, Tim McGraw Jon Bon Jovi and Billy Wirth walk into a bar...
    did I forget anyone, girls?

    SIT DOWN, BUCKLE IN, HANG ON, SHUT UP
    I will find my inner child and kick his little ass
    Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies
    |PLAY >|STOP| <<RWD|FFWD>>|RCD|II|STFU!!!|
    You are starting to make sense. Time to up my medications!
    Spay or neuter your animals if you truly love them

    We have enough youth--what we need is a fountain of SMART!
    AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE RESOURCE OF UNTAPPED ANGER, now in fashionable PINK
    DO NOT LEAVE ME UNSUPERVISED. If you do, DO NOT LEAVE WITNESSES
    Even BAD kitties get NINE LIVES
    MOMMMMMM...Retro's throwing wombats at me again...
    It's okay dear, they're COMBAT wombats!
    stand there, say nothing...thaaaatttt'ssss better
    80sxchange bad girls club
    trying to catch the deluge in a paper cup
    I can count to potato! I has a SNEAKY...
    Raging bitchkitty
    scared of my own shadow but not afraid of you
    ab astra

  2. #2
    Shakey's Avatar
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    Re: Driving me NUTS!

    Create a rule in your mail program that deletes or moves any forwarded message to another folder where you don't have to deal with it? Other than that, I don't know what to tell you. You probably aren't going to change anyone's beliefs no matter how ignorant they are.
    - Shakey

    "If I'm here and you're here, then doesn't that make it our time? - Jeff Spicoli, 1982

  3. #3
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    Re: Driving me NUTS!

    Quote Originally Posted by Shakey
    Create a rule in your mail program that deletes or moves any forwarded message to another folder where you don't have to deal with it? Other than that, I don't know what to tell you. You probably aren't going to change anyone's beliefs no matter how ignorant they are.
    I totally agree. I can't stand forwards to begin with (unless they are meaningful or a funny picture) so I have a filter that sends all mine to a certain folder. I glance at the titles and 99.9% I trash them w/o opening them. People are never going to stop sending that stupid shit around so you either have to block them, have the mail automatically deleted or you could just tell everyone on your list to not send you forwards. Not going to say it will work but it's a thought.
    Never seen without a tube of lip gloss

  4. #4
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    Re: Driving me NUTS!

    Quote Originally Posted by Shakey
    Create a rule in your mail program that deletes or moves any forwarded message to another folder where you don't have to deal with it? Other than that, I don't know what to tell you. You probably aren't going to change anyone's beliefs no matter how ignorant they are.

    That's the problem. If I DON'T read them, they still ask "did you read (such and such)", and then expound on it, talk about how it made them laugh, etc. They don't get it, no matter how often I disagree with them, tell them I don't appreciate such things, etc. I can put up with all the damned e-mail legends they pass on, the chain letters they send, etc. Whatever, that's just people wasting time on the 'Net, no big deal. They whole problem with this is that this is my in-law family and I have done everything but say outright "You people are ignorant, don't talk to me". That wouldn't be cool, because I would miss the ones I LIKE to see as well if I do this.

    I put up with a lot from them because they have never quite approved of me and that's okay, that's how life can be, but this is just too far.
    ~~X~~~~X~~
    Nunc scio quid sit amor
    ****************************************

    ~~Resident Urban Cougar-Boo~~
    Joe Elliot, Charlie Hunnam, Wentworth Miller, Kip Winger,Travis Fimmel, Tim McGraw Jon Bon Jovi and Billy Wirth walk into a bar...
    did I forget anyone, girls?

    SIT DOWN, BUCKLE IN, HANG ON, SHUT UP
    I will find my inner child and kick his little ass
    Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies
    |PLAY >|STOP| <<RWD|FFWD>>|RCD|II|STFU!!!|
    You are starting to make sense. Time to up my medications!
    Spay or neuter your animals if you truly love them

    We have enough youth--what we need is a fountain of SMART!
    AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE RESOURCE OF UNTAPPED ANGER, now in fashionable PINK
    DO NOT LEAVE ME UNSUPERVISED. If you do, DO NOT LEAVE WITNESSES
    Even BAD kitties get NINE LIVES
    MOMMMMMM...Retro's throwing wombats at me again...
    It's okay dear, they're COMBAT wombats!
    stand there, say nothing...thaaaatttt'ssss better
    80sxchange bad girls club
    trying to catch the deluge in a paper cup
    I can count to potato! I has a SNEAKY...
    Raging bitchkitty
    scared of my own shadow but not afraid of you
    ab astra

  5. #5
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    Re: Driving me NUTS!

    Quote Originally Posted by BrandyBlue
    That's the problem. If I DON'T read them, they still ask "did you read (such and such)", and then expound on it, talk about how it made them laugh, etc. They don't get it, no matter how often I disagree with them, tell them I don't appreciate such things, etc.
    I get that, too. My mom sends me stuff and they are always decent for the most part as my family is very religious but I just simply tell them I don't like forwards and I don't read them so either stop sending or know they will be deleted. I don't know what else to tell you, Brandy. You have tried to explain and they aren't getting it and I'm not sure what else you can do aside from filters or just ignoring it and when they ask if you read it, say no I don't like them or no, I'm too busy to go through every one. It might be lying but maybe it would get them off your back.
    Never seen without a tube of lip gloss

  6. #6
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    Re: Driving me NUTS!

    Maybe it's time to stop being polite to the ignorant asses, and be ignorant back to them. Tell them, in no certain terms, that you are ashamed of them, and the garbage they put out. Then tell them that if they cant send email, or talk about things, WITHOUT being derrogatory, then dont bother communicating with you.

    May be harsh, but if it's affecting your emotional wellbeing, then THIER feelings are irrelevant.

  7. #7
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    Re: Driving me NUTS!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jasper
    Maybe it's time to stop being polite to the ignorant asses, and be ignorant back to them. Tell them, in no certain terms, that you are ashamed of them, and the garbage they put out. Then tell them that if they cant send email, or talk about things, WITHOUT being derrogatory, then dont bother communicating with you.

    May be harsh, but if it's affecting your emotional wellbeing, then THIER feelings are irrelevant.
    Absolutely, apparetnly they are not getting your message loud and clear! Tell them you are not going to put up their crap any more. You have tell them you have a total seperate values than them. Stand up and be heard, Dawn!

    Tourettes Brother of Diofan
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  8. #8
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    Re: Driving me NUTS!

    If you know who the hateful emails are coming from, just delete them before you even open it. When confronted if you've read them, say "no, I sure didn't" and leave it at that. Walk away... delete the next message, whatever.

    I'm sure that's easier said than done, from what you've written, but I can't think of any other way to deal with it. You've tried everything. If they can't be respectful of YOUR feelings, why do they deserve your respect for theirs?

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Likes it when they just stand there & don't say anything!
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Proud Bad Girl Sistah
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  9. #9
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    Re: Driving me NUTS!

    My mom's stepfather was a full blood indian and the most racist S.O.B. I've ever met in my life! He was even racist against his own people!!! I used to simply tell him off! Things like "Don't say stupid sh*t like that you blowhard, bigotted racist !!!" (I don't sugercoat anything if it truly pisses me off). The sorry bastard committed suicide a few years ago (Asphixiation on Exhaust fumes from his truck). My mom called me to tell me the news and all I could say was "About f***ing time!!" (Normally I'm not that mean!)

    The point is if they can't respect you, No need to give them undeserved respect. Be blunt and to the point. You say you married into this "group". What does your husband think? Is he the same way?

  10. #10
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    Re: Driving me NUTS!

    Quote Originally Posted by Diofan
    My mom's stepfather was a full blood indian and the most racist S.O.B. I've ever met in my life! He was even racist against his own people!!! I used to simply tell him off! Things like "Don't say stupid sh*t like that you blowhard, bigotted racist !!!" (I don't sugercoat anything if it truly pisses me off). The sorry bastard committed suicide a few years ago (Asphixiation on Exhaust fumes from his truck). My mom called me to tell me the news and all I could say was "About f***ing time!!" (Normally I'm not that mean!)

    The point is if they can't respect you, No need to give them undeserved respect. Be blunt and to the point. You say you married into this "group". What does your husband think? Is he the same way?
    My husband has done a lot of mental growth along with me and doesn't feel like a lot of them do. And I must emphasize, to be fair, it's not ALL of them who are like this. But the ones who are (without specifying who) have said things like "I'm a bigot. I'm proud of it." (I don't exagerrate, that's what they said) and some of them openly say snotty and hurtful things about certain groups even out in public (not that it's better anywhere else)

    I appreciate all of the feedback here I never quite thought of it like that, that I am trying to be respectful and tolerant of the way they feel but they don't give two shits that it bothers me, you are absolutely right!
    ~~X~~~~X~~
    Nunc scio quid sit amor
    ****************************************

    ~~Resident Urban Cougar-Boo~~
    Joe Elliot, Charlie Hunnam, Wentworth Miller, Kip Winger,Travis Fimmel, Tim McGraw Jon Bon Jovi and Billy Wirth walk into a bar...
    did I forget anyone, girls?

    SIT DOWN, BUCKLE IN, HANG ON, SHUT UP
    I will find my inner child and kick his little ass
    Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies
    |PLAY >|STOP| <<RWD|FFWD>>|RCD|II|STFU!!!|
    You are starting to make sense. Time to up my medications!
    Spay or neuter your animals if you truly love them

    We have enough youth--what we need is a fountain of SMART!
    AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE RESOURCE OF UNTAPPED ANGER, now in fashionable PINK
    DO NOT LEAVE ME UNSUPERVISED. If you do, DO NOT LEAVE WITNESSES
    Even BAD kitties get NINE LIVES
    MOMMMMMM...Retro's throwing wombats at me again...
    It's okay dear, they're COMBAT wombats!
    stand there, say nothing...thaaaatttt'ssss better
    80sxchange bad girls club
    trying to catch the deluge in a paper cup
    I can count to potato! I has a SNEAKY...
    Raging bitchkitty
    scared of my own shadow but not afraid of you
    ab astra

  11. #11
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    Lakewood, Washington, United S
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    Re: Driving me NUTS!

    BrandyBlue, I have a high tolerance for a lot of things, but Bigotry and racism are two things I have ZERO Tolerance for. My "Step-grandfather" found it out the hard way.

    The only way you are gonna get them to respect your wishes is to play "Hardball". It may be tough on you or your husband, but if they can't except it, there is no need to be involved with them.

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