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Not Really Advice,

80s Forum: Not Really Advice,
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  1. #1
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    Not Really Advice,

    but Prayers needed. I know I've been all fun and games, but I've got some serious business going on that needs a lot of prayers, well wishes, good vibes - WHATEVER!!
    I'm helping a dear friend & her little angel get out of a VERY nasty and abusive relationship. Her ex still doesn't know who's helping her, but we just missed each other at school yesterday & he was stalking piano lessons afterwards. I dropped off my angel, but my friends little angel was frightened & wanted to stay with me. I made sure he didn't see her in the car!
    I'm not frightened or anything. I live in a "buddy" town & know EVERYBODY, I have a gun (and KNOW how to use it if necessary), I'm a sweetheart, but like any good TX woman - mess with me or my family/friends, and I WILL turn CATTY on you!!
    My friend works out here but lives in the next community (a bit larger) where the police don't have the time to be so supportive. I expect the father will be stalking the school more diligently to see who's picking up his child. I keep a copy of the court orders saying he isn't allowed to take the child handy at all times, but that doesn't mean it won't get nasty. He doesn't play by the rules and is getting more irrate as the lawyers & courts keep him in his place.
    She's a total wreck (he makes sure of that by CONSTANTLY harrassing her) and all our little angels are feeling the tension. She counts on me to keep a level head and stay strong.
    HERE's where I need the prayers!! Strength isn't the problem - it's the level head. He's VERY manipulative and defiant. I have to able to be objective and make sure I'm following the rules of the court AND stand my ground - W/OUT TEARING THIS MAN APART!!! I need wisdom & understanding, fortitude & good counsel. AND, I have to keep us all safe and well protected!!
    I know once he finds out who I am, ALL H3!! will break loose!! I can handle that. I just hope I can keep everyone safe AND sane! He plays dirty. I play fair, but stand firm. I expect he won't like that!!! I need to keep a level head so I don't make any mistakes and can keep us all protected. We have the law and the courts on our side, but that doesn't matter to someone like him.
    Everyone here seems like just an awesome extended family!! Everyone's been SO wonderful. Just please keep us all in your hearts as the perverbial sh!t will soon hit the fan!!!
    Thanks in advance for all your love and support!!

    "Good" Catholic Girl, Vampire Queen
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  2. #2
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    Re: Not Really Advice,

    Listen sweetie, first things first – Be sure you’re not taking on too much. You sound very frazzled and you know yourself that you’re no good to anyone if you can’t first take care of yourself. I applaud the fact that you’re trying to help your friend, it shows real character on your part. The best thing you can do right now is just be there for your friend and her daughter. I don’t wanna sound cold but you can’t make her life’s problems, yours. Be there for her, yes! Support and help her, big yes!! But remember that this is a domestic dispute between two adults who met and fell in love together and without you, had a marriage and children without you. And it seems, went their separate ways without you. Trust that they will work this out on their own but be there for her when she needs you most.

    If reason and savvy fail… take that gun and shoot one of his nuts off; that’ll get his attention. Just kidding, Sal.

    Ah darlin’, I wish I could be of more help. It sounds as though you and your friend have a tough time ahead. Me and mine wish you well. We’ll be praying’ for ya.
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  3. #3
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    Re: Not Really Advice,

    Good vibes and prayers your way.

    The police in her town aren't being helpful? Has she served him with a 209a or a restraining order?
    ~*uuɐloɹɐɔ~*
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  4. #4
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    Re: Not Really Advice,

    I commend you for being there for your friend but you also have to remember that you can put your own child and your self at risk. Your friends husband is a complete ass. No doubt he could easily snap. I am not saying don't help your friend just know what you are getting into. ( which I am sure you are aware of )

    Is there a womans shelter you can turn her toward?

    The unfortunate problem is there is no way to predict what he will do.

    I wish you and your friend all the strength and luck needed.

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  5. #5
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    Re: Not Really Advice,

    You and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers. Good Luck and keep your head up!
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  6. #6
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    Re: Not Really Advice,

    Thanks everyone for your prayers, thoughts and concerns. Please understand that though this is no small matter, I DO know full well what I'm getting into. I was once married to a man like this one & believe that is why God has brought me to help my friend in this season of her life. I'm living proof that you can get through something like this, you CAN be strong, you CAN move on and you CAN come out the better for it!!
    Granted, my experience was YEARS ago & I have a MUCH better life now, but I'm proof that you CAN make it!!
    I've now met the 'ex' and by the look on his face, I'd say he was the one intimidated and out of his element. I think he thinks her & I are 'more than just friends'!
    Confidence, strength and fortitude speak volumes to people like this!! We were blessed with all of the above as well as peace! Our encounter went smoothly and I am confident that with God's grace they will continue to do so! We have been blessed!
    Please keep the situation in your thoughts and prayers as there is still a long road ahead & perseverence will be much needed!!
    Thank you all for your caring!
    TXSweet

    "Good" Catholic Girl, Vampire Queen
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    Live through feeling and you will live through love. For feeling is the language of the soul, and feeling is truth. -- Matt Zotti

  7. #7
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    Re: Not Really Advice,

    Im glad you're there for your friend. This sounds like a really scarey situation. Remember, sometimes when you let your guard down is when they tend to strike back. Make sure you have a support network and a good plan for certain worst case scenarios. For instance having a land line and a phone with a cord in your house, a friends house to go to if you need out of yours... Just backups to help you feel even more secure. I'll be praying for you.
    ...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things."

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  8. #8
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    Re: Not Really Advice,

    I would go with what Carolann and Tempest said. Best to let your local law enforcement deal with it.

    I've seen things like this happen, and yes Topcat is right, there is NO TELLING if or when he'll snap. Eliminate the IF, and get the cops involved. that is what they do.

    When I was a system administrator a few years back, we had a woman in our building go through a similar situation. Her husband VIOLATED the restraining order, came to the building intent on "Kicking her ass". Our Security had to step in and essentially lock the woman on her floor and lock the elevators and stairwell doors to keep him away from her until the cops came. they came, got access to the floor to talk to the woman...the man was hauled off to jail. (I know this, because I ran the computer systems that locked elevators/stairwell doors...all computerized.)

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  9. #9
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    Re: Not Really Advice,

    I will pray for you sweetie

    Good luck!!

  10. #10
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    Re: Not Really Advice,

    I have been the one getting out of a bad relationship before, and I have helped a couple of women leave abusive relationships.

    This can be a dangerous relationship for you right now. I think one thing you might look into is seeing if she can go out of state for a while, to the house of a friend or relative that he doesn't know about, until this cools off.

    I know that a person should never have to be intimidated out of her home, but sometimes, it's worth getting out of Dodge for a while when you have a kid. I will not tell you why I say that right now, but I know for sure that safety above convenience and comfort pays greatly in the long run, sometimes avoiding tragedy.
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  11. #11
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    Re: Not Really Advice,

    Great advice guys ... most of the reasons I'm helping. We both work for the City & know the cops here VERY well ... that's why she made me the sitter. I'm here in town where she works & we BOTH have VERY close ties to law enforcement here ... city, county AND state!! That's why we've relocated her HERE.
    Also, again I'll mention, I'm one who's been in this situation before also. Though every situation has it's differences, these types of men do have their similarities. I think more than anything, she looks at me and sees that she CAN get through this. She gets stronger every day! Each time she stands up to him she gets a little more confidence. Now that she's protected, he isn't harassing her & breaking her down anymore. Even the lawyers commented saying now that she's standing firm and confident they can move forward more diligently. She'd been rolling over before, but now she's standing her ground and bringing out all she has against him AND using it in court. She'd been playing nice ... not any more. Still playing by the rules, but now using ALL of her cards!! Another court date coming soon ... still needing prayers!!! God is Good & I know he'll be there with her through all of this!!
    Thanks again for your concern, prayers & thoughts!!
    Just another reason I LOVE IT here!!!

    "Good" Catholic Girl, Vampire Queen
    Forever Stalkee/ing Princess of Tempest Frost (who's stalking who?!?!)
    Actively stalking Diofan and my dear DJDaffy!!
    Sweetest with WOWthe80s (NO, we AREN'T gay!!!)
    Top Cat's Partner in Crime!
    Corrupting Torchwood ... and anyone else I can brainwash!!!
    No more secrets but I still have a naughty side!!
    BlackDragon's everything HAWT!!


    Live through feeling and you will live through love. For feeling is the language of the soul, and feeling is truth. -- Matt Zotti

  12. #12
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    Re: Not Really Advice,

    I'm glad things are working out well for your friend, thanks in no small part to you. Having a strong support system is the best thing she can have to help her thru this, and I agree that your prior experience is why you have been placed as her friend at this time of her life.
    Continued prayers that things will go smoothly and you will all stay strong...
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