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Top reasons you might be a mall-metal fan

80s Forum: Top reasons you might be a mall-metal fan
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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2001

    Top reasons you might be a mall-metal fan

    Top 75 Reasons why you might be a Mallmetal(ie..Nu-metal) fan:

    1.Your hair is dyed a color that doesn't appear naturally in humans.
    2.Suck and Rule are the best descriptions you can come up with for music.
    3.You think ICP is funny.
    4.You think Korn is a metal band.
    5.When you write or type words, you do it LiKe ThIs because you think it looks ReAlLy KeWeL.
    6.You think "Eighties Metal" refers to Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, and Poison.
    7.You call yourself a metal fan, but when someone mentions Tom G Warrior you just get a confused look on your face.
    8.You're white, yet you wear really baggy clothes and try to come off as being hardcore.
    9.You look ugly on purpose.
    10.You call people **** and say everything is gay.
    11.You assume that if someone doesn't like Slipknot, they must listen to "pussy stuff like N'sync".
    12.You claim to like heavy metal, yet can't name any German thrash bands.
    13.You claim to like heavy metal, yet think that My Dying Bride must be one of those old low-budget flicks from the 60s.
    14.You own a Dr Suess hat.
    15.You think "goth" means Marilyn Manson.
    16.You associate "industrial" with Prodigy instead of Skinny Puppy and Foetus.
    17.You have a tribal tatto.
    18.You'd just die if Jonathan Davis touched you!
    19.You think black metal bands are trying to copy KISS with their image.
    20.You say things like "Korn rules and always will! If you don't like them, you suck!" (with more grammatical and spelling errors, of course)
    21.You're under 20 years old and claim to like "extreme music".
    22.You think the cops probably want to steal your pot.
    23.Your music collection consists of less than 100 CDs/cassettes/whatever, yet most or all of these names appear: Korn, Taproot, Limp Bizkit, Fear Factory, Machine Head, Coal Chamber, System Of A Down, Downset, Soulfly, Pantera, Mudvayne, and Static-X.
    24.You like some rap music.
    25.You love Incubus and don't know that there was once a Florida speed metal band by the same name that was much cooler.
    26.You still live with your parents.
    27.You're a 17 year old female and wear crop tops under your open ski jacket in January to show off your navel piercing. Flabby abdominal muscles do not seem to deter you.
    28.You know who Wayne Static is.
    29.You think Korn "revitalized heavy metal", even though the band themselves want to be disassociated with the genre.
    30.Rob Flynn disgraces his past in Vio-lence with every passing moment he spends in Machine Head.
    31.You have covered the back of your car in stickers, including at least one anarchy symbol,and one alien.
    32.You think death metal is Satanic.
    33.You think that by dressing and looking and talking like every other Mallcore simpleton that you're showing your individuality and expressing your uniqueness.
    34.You think Fear Factory keeps getting better on every album.
    35.You think the last Pantera disc is their best ever!
    36.You think that Metallica sucks, but don't feel betrayed by them.
    37.You think that Metallica is good for a bunch of old geezers and Reload rocks!!
    38.You consider the black album "old Metallica".
    You think that Roadrunner is an underground label.
    39.Best Buy meets all of your music needs.
    40.You think you're on the cutting edge of music after seeing such "obscure" bands as mushroomhead, taproot, and drowning pool.
    41.You learned your ebonics from Hatebreed.
    42.You never experienced the torture of "Headbangers Ball" - sitting through 2 hours and 50 minutes of White Lion, Extreme, Enuff Z Nuff and Poison to see a Kreator video.
    43.You think Kid Rock is the first person to combine rap with "heavy" guitars.
    44.You actually like Staind. Enough to buy it on CD. Enough to see them live. Enough to wear one of their shirts in public.
    45.You say you hate the government yet can't name more than 5 people who actually work in the government. And one of those people is your aunt Irene that works at the DMV.
    46.You don't find this rant amusing in the slightest.
    47.You think your backpack goes nicely with your backwards baseball cap.
    48.You think that the pictures of Coal Chamber are not at all silly, goofy, ugly, or stupid. In fact, you think at least one of the band members is really hot - even in these clothes. In fact, you dress like this every day and your parents and/or teachers give you a lot of grief about it.
    49.You say things like "Korn are heavier than Iron Maiden or Black Sabbath EVER were".
    50.You're in danger of tripping over your wallet chain.
    51.You shave your eyebrows to look like that dummy from Orgy.
    52.You think Cephalic Carnage, Bal-Sagoth, Nightwish and In Flames are new games for N64.
    53.You think Slipknot is "The heaviest ****ing band on earth, EVER. Nothing could top that, dude."
    54.You think Linkin Park mosh pits are more violent than any mosh pit EVER.
    55.Your parents hate your look but buy you your ridiculous clothes anyway because your broke ass won't.
    56.You actually go out and buy the bands played on Farmclub.com
    57.You think a band kicks ass if the guitarist performs a BMX Tabletop while he's playing that constant over-distorted open sludge note on it.
    58.You look like Fred Durst.
    59.You wear a red baseball cap that's somewhat furry.
    You look like Eminem and actually think he's kEwL.
    60.You know every lyric to both Eminem albums.
    61.Before the Black Album got huge, you called Metallica "kill-your-mother, rape-your-sister shit."
    62.Hot Topic, Aeropostale and Gadzooks meet all of your clothing needs.
    63.You actually think Kid Rock is worth your spending money.
    64.When somebody mentions metal, you think Papa Roach instead of Motorhead.
    65.You've heard real heavy metal and you don't like it.
    You refuse to acknowledge the fact that Slipknot's masks are just gimmicks.
    66.You think Limp Bizkit and Crazy Town is "tight"
    67.You call death metal boring but you've never actually listened to a death metal band.
    68.You get confused in the metal chatroom as to why most people there are dissing your favorite band.
    69.You've sent hatemail to webmasters of anti-mall metal sites(with bad grammar and obscene language, of course).
    70.You dress in a gothic way, listen to stuff such as Marilyn Manson and Korn but have the nerve to call yourself a non-conformist.
    71.You fancy yourself as a non-conformist rebel but shrink back in fear everytime your math teacher tells you to "knock it off!"
    72.You are a teenager.
    73.Every time a new mallmetal(ie..nu-metal) band pops up, you are usually one of the first to buy their cds at Camelot Music, in the mall.
    74.You don't like boy bands or rappers but you hang around with most of their fans.
    75.Finally you think the KUD from Mudvayne is really hot.

    If you answer yes to at least ten of these seek professional help. lol
    Last edited by Ted Nugent; 2-05-02 at 12:49 AM.
    -----Officially lost in the 80's with and Stalking the redhead beauty, Christine -----
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    ||OPC's Twisted Friend in humor||
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    "Live free or die!"
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    ----The Anti Fashionable-Patriot----

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
    MA, USA


    I've been guilty of #2 from time to time, but that's about it Was guilty of #72 a while back too....man, the shame in that one...

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Only one i have done is NUmBER 5!! (I dont care how somethyng is typed as long as i can reed it)

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